How To Cope With Mother’s Day When You’re TTC

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It’s the one time of the year when you can’t walk into a supermarket without being faced with rows of ‘Happy Mother’s Day!’ cards, buckets full of bouquets, chocolates ‘for a special mum’, when Mother’s Day offers flood your inbox and it hurts when you feel like everybody else gets to experience that day of joy and appreciation and you’re left out. It’s all you want, all you yearn for and you’re on the sidelines wishing with all your heart it was your Mother’s Day experience too.

So How Are You Going to Get Through It?

There isn’t a right or wrong way. It might sound like a cop-out (I promise it’s not!) but you will know what you would rather do. And if you’re not sure, here are some ideas:

Hide away at home, have a social media detox, watch your favourite films and eat chocolate? Great!

Get out in nature, go for a long walk, let your head clear a little? Great too! And if that’s still not helping ground your busy thoughts, practice some mindfulness as you do go: focus on five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can touch, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste (obviously take a little snack with you for the last one!). This will help calm and refocus your mind, letting all those overwhelming thoughts settle.

Create a day for you. Why not, you deserve it! Buy yourself a treat – a fancy new notebook for some journalling, a new pair of PJ’s (or a new dress, even though none of us have anywhere to go at the moment!), your favourite flowers. Light a candle and set aside some time for a gentle and restorative online yoga class, read a book that uplifts you or gives you chance for reflection. Have a long soak in a bath and a facemask. Plan a lovely meal in the evening. Remind yourself that you’re flippin’ amazing and totally deserve a day for you too.

What If I’m Surrounded by Family Celebrations?

You don’t HAVE to be. Although I know these can sometimes be a little tricky to get out of. Especially if it’s someone else’s first Mother’s Day and they are excited about it. Maybe you don’t have to be with them all day? Maybe you’ve made your own plans this year and will see everybody another time? Or maybe you explain that it’s too painful a reminder of what you long for so you hope they’ll understand if you don’t come along as you’re spending quality time together as a couple; that you still love them and are happy for them but you need a different focus this weekend.

It’s okay to focus on you this weekend. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary. And it gives you some control back too.

And then emerge next week knowing that you’ve had time for you in the way that you chose to spend it. Just look after you.

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