How To Cope With Mother’s Day After Loss

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You are still, and will always be, a mother. You are a mother from the moment of conception and continue to be a mother to that child for the rest of your life, not just the rest of theirs.

The promotion around Mother’s Day doesn’t really acknowledge this, so you’re still faced with images of children handing bouquets and gifts to their mums when your reality is so different. But your reality still needs to be honoured and to be heard. You are acknowledged as a mother.

Your friends and family being aware and acknowledging that of course this is a day that is going to hurt and they are thinking of both you and your child or children today and sending so much love on such a hard day can make a difference.

Let them know (if they aren’t already aware) that they don’t have to stay silent. They can reach out to you and honour this day for you too. You are still a mum, still valued, still seen and still full of love for your child. Let them know they can genuinely ask you how you are.

“In memory, just as in perception, we connect with the reality of lives. Remembering is not a retreat to the past. Rather memory brings aspects of the past into present awareness… Memories are also the basis for deeper lasting love.”

Attig, 2000

You can treat this day in whatever way feels manageable for you.

Create a day for you; create a space where you can spend time talking about your child and sharing memories.

Allow yourself to feel your feelings; you don’t have to try and hide them. Give yourself space to let them out. It’s okay to feel whatever you are feeling and also know that you won’t feel exactly the same way all the time.

Take care of your needs. Both physical and emotional.

Keep busy all day with a full list of activities or do nothing and ignore social media?

Know that all are valid.

This day is still about you. Because you are a mother, carrying your child in your heart.

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